Fall, beautiful fall

Lessons from a Bulgarian bee

That's right. We're now in Bulgaria.

A lot has happened since Nia's and my arrival in Europe -- much more than either of us expected. The very long story short could be summed up in an experience we encountered on an 8- hour train ride from Sophia, Bulgaria, to the country's famous beach city of Varna:

A bee zoomed past us into the window next to our seats. It kept flying into the window and crawling to the top, only to fly back down and start over again. After a few rounds of this, we figured the bee was trying desperately to get out.

"Why doesn't it just fly out of the train a different way?" we asked each other. "I mean, it flew in here so obviously it can get out."

There were hundreds of other windows on the train that the bee could have attempted to escape from, as well as dozens of doors that opened whenever someone had to use one of the many bathrooms on board. There were even openings in the toilets that would let the bee directly out into the vast nature it seemed to want to get to.

But the bee must not have known that, and after a couple of hours it became painful to watch it struggle only to get nowhere.

That's when I realized the bee and I have much in common. Like the bee, I am sometimes unaware of the fact that there are various opportunities open to me, numerous pathways I can take to get what I want. Instead, I tend to choose one limited path and keep expending energy on it, not fully using my abilities in the best ways possible. After all, bees have wings so they can fly around.

Perhaps, a part of me knew this about myself before encountering the bee in Bulgaria. One of the reasons we are in Bulgaria in the first place is because I've decided to fully embrace my dream of writing and traveling, and pursuing this dream with the best plan(s) possible.

While teaching English abroad is a fine way to travel, my reasons for wanting to do so have been more about relative economic security and not really about my deepest talents and passions. Yes, I would make an incredible teacher because I would put my mind to it, though I wouldn't be exceptional because my heart would be elsewhere -- with my writing.

In short, I would rather be the bee that actually navigates the various pathways toward exactly what I want (a career in writing while traveling), instead of struggling aimlessly at what seems like a direct route but is really just an enticing window that doesn't open into my manifesting desires.

I guess I should also change the name of this blog!

Letting go

This is more difficult than it sounds.

A lot more.

Still, letting go is a necessary component of life. It's like breathing: we can't inhale without exhaling after.

During my journey to Prague, I am learning how to exhale ... deeply and slowly. Yes, I'll be picking up new languages and learning how to live in foreign countries along the way, though I am also giving some of myself by teaching others my language, aspects of my culture, parts of who I am. Interestingly, I'm learning how to give up some of these parts as well, as they won't suit me everywhere I go.

For example, I can be a bit of a know-it-all and find myself rather uncomfortable in situations where my lack of knowledge might show (which makes my decision to travel to multiple countries whose languages I do not know sound absurd, right?). Well, today my knowing was tested when my girlfriend, Nia, and I ventured to a bakery down the street from where we're staying for a few weeks in Freiburg, Germany. 

Before we had even left the apartment, I became nervous as I remembered that I have no idea how to order strong, black coffee in German. Sure, I know a few words but when I got to the counter at the shop, few of them were on the menu. Realizing this would be one of those uncomfortable situations, I had to make a choice: 

1) Order whatever and hope it was what I wanted
2) Ask in English what some of the options were and hope the baker understood my language
3) Practice my German with the few words I knew and hope he would decipher my meaning

I chose the second option, as it felt most comfortable, and this guy next to me, who apparently spoke English, helped me translate my order. 

While I was thankful, I was also upset that I chose to be comfortable and hold onto my fear of not knowing at the expense of my growing. I mean, really, how am I to learn German communication if I can't, or won't, let go of my English, even a little bit? I have let this fear of uncertainty hold me back from way too many amazing opportunities in the past. It's been a weight I have refused to put down, a burden that has gotten heavier the longer I've held it and the farther I've carried it ...

That's why it felt so good to drop it a few moments after my bakery shop flop. I decided I was not going to come off as an arrogant American in a foreign place who expects everyone to know my language but does not attempt to understand others'. Instead, I made a trip to the local supermarket, somewhat knowing they wouldn't have what I was looking for. In my best German, with one or two English words mixed in, I asked where I could get it. The cashier pointed me in the direction and I was off. Whew! Now that wasn't so hard.

We all have our burdens, our weights that seem like boulders when we carry them. Yes, those huge rocks can strengthen us immensely; but if held for too long and too far, they have the opposite effect.

I don't know about you, but I'm deciding to start putting some of these down. This way, my arms will be available to embrace what comes next ...

Or maybe even to grow into wings so that I can soar.

Raising money, raising energy

A good friend of mine told me more than a year ago that money is energy. This idea stuck with me, though I am just now beginning to understand what it means.

As some of you might know, I have been raising money for my journey to Prague to get my teaching English as a foreign language (TEFL) certificate. It is something I have been considering for about five years now, though am finally taking the leap to do. I am very excited! Though, I have also been a bit nervous.

The nervousness comes because this experience is one I have never encountered in this lifetime. Going abroad to Europe, being completely immersed in a different language and culture, consciously teaching my language and culture to others ... all of this and more, while intriguing, also creates some angst.

If I let it, that is.

Alongside raising money for my journey, I have also been working diligently on raising my energy levels, raising my consciousness, or what some may call "vibration." In doing so, I am beginning to understand that what I put out into the universe, I will receive in return. The more positivity I share with others, the more love, the more genuine connection I receive. This relates directly to my raising money because I've noticed that the more I let go of any hope of achieving my monetary goal, the more people contribute.

Said another way, the less I focus on what I am getting from others and instead focus on how I can be a source of joy, peace, love, the more I attract those qualities, those realities.

So, I will continue to let go. Yes, it is a process and there will be times when I will try my hardest to hold onto ideas of gain, even when I know deep down they are keeping me from moving forward. When this happens, I will patiently and gently remind myself that I am learning, I am growing. I am elevating. These moments are necessary to make me a better teacher ...

In Prague and beyond.