A lot more.
Still, letting go is a necessary component of life. It's like breathing: we can't inhale without exhaling after.
During my journey to Prague, I am learning how to exhale ... deeply and slowly. Yes, I'll be picking up new languages and learning how to live in foreign countries along the way, though I am also giving some of myself by teaching others my language, aspects of my culture, parts of who I am. Interestingly, I'm learning how to give up some of these parts as well, as they won't suit me everywhere I go.
For example, I can be a bit of a know-it-all and find myself rather uncomfortable in situations where my lack of knowledge might show (which makes my decision to travel to multiple countries whose languages I do not know sound absurd, right?). Well, today my knowing was tested when my girlfriend, Nia, and I ventured to a bakery down the street from where we're staying for a few weeks in Freiburg, Germany.
Before we had even left the apartment, I became nervous as I remembered that I have no idea how to order strong, black coffee in German. Sure, I know a few words but when I got to the counter at the shop, few of them were on the menu. Realizing this would be one of those uncomfortable situations, I had to make a choice:
1) Order whatever and hope it was what I wanted
2) Ask in English what some of the options were and hope the baker understood my language
3) Practice my German with the few words I knew and hope he would decipher my meaning
I chose the second option, as it felt most comfortable, and this guy next to me, who apparently spoke English, helped me translate my order.
While I was thankful, I was also upset that I chose to be comfortable and hold onto my fear of not knowing at the expense of my growing. I mean, really, how am I to learn German communication if I can't, or won't, let go of my English, even a little bit? I have let this fear of uncertainty hold me back from way too many amazing opportunities in the past. It's been a weight I have refused to put down, a burden that has gotten heavier the longer I've held it and the farther I've carried it ...
That's why it felt so good to drop it a few moments after my bakery shop flop. I decided I was not going to come off as an arrogant American in a foreign place who expects everyone to know my language but does not attempt to understand others'. Instead, I made a trip to the local supermarket, somewhat knowing they wouldn't have what I was looking for. In my best German, with one or two English words mixed in, I asked where I could get it. The cashier pointed me in the direction and I was off. Whew! Now that wasn't so hard.
We all have our burdens, our weights that seem like boulders when we carry them. Yes, those huge rocks can strengthen us immensely; but if held for too long and too far, they have the opposite effect.
I don't know about you, but I'm deciding to start putting some of these down. This way, my arms will be available to embrace what comes next ...
Or maybe even to grow into wings so that I can soar.
